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Top 4 Ways You Could Die Skiing This Season!

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1.  You Look Marvelous!

After spending 3 hours working on you “Phohawk”, you refuse to wear any protective head gear that could potentially mess it up. As a result, you never really had a chance when you collided head first into a beautiful Spruce tree. On the upside, paramedics did report that at the time of your death, your hair did look “Awesome”!

2.  f = m * a.

While never actually excelling in math, it is ironic that at the time of your death you are able to remember the equation for calculating “force”. In this equation f = the force necessary to kill you, m = the mass of “Bob” a tourist from Arizona and a = the speed in which he is traveling uncontrollably towards you. Had you studied harder during life, you might also have been able to also calculate how far you flew when Bob hit you, but unfortunately you lost consciousness to soon.

3.  The Yeti Factor.

In what can only be explained as a freak encounter, authorities have been able to determine that somehow your mixture of cologne, suntan lotion and lip balm created a powerful “Yeti pheromone” that proved irresistible to what is believed to be a 7 foot female Yeti.

4.  The Warren Miller Effect.

After spending 8 months watching every Warren Miller film during the off season, you unfortunately fell victim to what is unofficially known as the “Miller” effect… In other words, you thought you could ski. Authorities are hopeful that they will be able to locate your body sometime in early spring.

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